All my life I feel like I have helped and assisted others in any way I can just to be dumped on, stepped on, controlled, made to feel unworthy, and very unloved. Then I realized that it all begins within me and loving myself first. That no matter how much I help someone else I’m never going to get the same in return until I learn how to love myself first.
Truly loving yourself first is not an easy road but definitely one that will open your eyes and make you are stronger person. It is a process of learning how to be happy with yourself and by yourself. Once I started learning how to love myself first it seemed like the Universe removed everyone from around me. At first it was very depressing, especially when listening to others talk about their weekends with family and friends. And I do have to admit that sometimes I allow my emotions to get the best of me still and have to regain control.
The biggest test I have had to endure on this journey is being sick and being alone. I have to say it hasn’t been easy, an emotional roller coaster in fact. I am still keeping my faith and hope that one day I will look back on this experience as well and see the beauty in it. Right now I have an illness that feels like it is taking over my body. I have no appetite, no energy, my whole body aches, and I have no desire to do anything. Just getting up to make something to eat in order for me to take my antibiotics feels like I ran a marathon. However, I am learning how to control my thoughts. I keep thinking how nice it would be if I had someone to make my meals for me and take care of me but when those thoughts pop in my head I begin to cry which just makes me feel worse. I know in order to conquer this illness I am going to have to conquer my thoughts of loneliness. Up until this point in time I thought I was actually comfortable with being by myself. I learned how to go out to eat by myself, go to the movies alone, and enjoy anything I liked to do all by myself. It wasn’t easy and it took ALOT of mind control over my thoughts but I thought I had succeeded!
Just when we think we have learned it all BOOM! something else comes our way. I am sure there are numerous people out there who can attest to that in their own journey’s. So for anyone out there who is traveling down the road of learning how to be happy and content within yourself, my hat goes off to you! It’s not an easy road, no one ever said it would be. But at the end of the day it will make you a stronger person and your story/journey will surely help someone else along the way.
So stay positive, stay focused. Allow yourself to feel the pain but quickly move your thoughts in a better direction. I am sure as my battle with this illness continues I will have more to share and I know it will make me a stronger person!